Day 12 (Really 13) – Post-Celebration Regret

I will be re-starting the challenge tomorrow… kind of. Since this is a blog post, e.g. readable words, they will go to the total New Words of my writing journey but, if i’m honest, even this feels like cheating. I mean, it is taking time away from doing other things like not doing anything. I will share my excuses as to why i didn’t write, some a smidge more valid than the other, but in the end, all excuses all the same.
First, i got my shingles shot yesterday. No, i’m not 50 yet, but i’m having a procedure where 5% (or 1 in 20) people got the shingles. And since i’ve had chicken pox and the al full-on shingles outbreak when i was 25, i took the first of two shingles vaccines. Every year like everyone else, i get my Covid vaccine and my flu vaccine. And i say everyone ‘cause stupid people don’t read my words. And, sure enough, i get a 24-hour fever. Not fun. Same here. So that knocked me out.
Then there was the real reason i stopped writing; i finished a book (thanks in full part to the Kriss Relaunch Challenge) and decided to “take a day off.” Well, as you can see, that one day lasted 3 Earth days. Funny how that works.
I have several self-mottos but this is the one that i can only remember with any consistency: pick your pain.
Everything hurts. Everything sucks. So you gotta chose which of the sucks, which of the pains, you want.
Did it feel good playing my historical war games? Heck yeah! Did it suck having the enormous boulder of shame follow me everywhere i went? An even bigger heck yeah. On top of that is the pain of me not getting to my dream of being a full-time author sooner. Sure, i’ll be enjoying living in Europe one day raising a little European family with that one crazy Mexican-American dad, but life is short, i deny myself that reality one less day.
So, now when i weigh that against the “pleasure” of resting and playing historical wargames, that pain relief starts looking more and more painful, doesn’t it?
Anyway, a major lesson was learned on this challenge. Momentum is massive. In life, sports. Everything. If i take a break from writing, just take it slow. Do a blog post. But never stop. Whenever you are in a state, you are likely to stay in that state. So if you’re moving, you should stay moving. If you’re staying scratching your belly, you’re gonna stay there doing that.
Next time i want to celebrate, i have to remind myself, i am giving up pain for another pain. The sometimes painful act of sitting down and making stuff up (it’s actually a ton of fun) or doing the pleasurable thing and playing historical reenactments (actually painful since my guilt refuses me to live in the moment.)
All right. Good night. Me going sleepy now (if the cat lets me.)
I plan to do a lot and fail at most of them this month. One thing i won’t be missing, though; writing New Words.